The Wound of Naivety

I’m naïve.

There, I said it (ew). One of my darkest shadow parts that feels embarrassing to admit and something I wish wasn’t there. It’s the wound that brings forth its lessons, and everytime I think I’ve learned the lesson and am ready to move past it, it returns…

And then re-returns… Over, and over.

I know you guys know this feeling. It can feel so frustrating, but the reality is, they always come back to be seen from a different angle. This year has been no different. I sat in my frustration, honored it, and honestly it’s moving through pretty quickly… Allowing me to see that it’s giving me a deeper level of understanding around this wound… Which I’m grateful for.. I guess. Ha!

I know there are people here who resonate with feeling naïve. Overly giving because that’s simply who you are, and despite the reality we’re continuously shown, we believe others operate how we do. We trust that they have our backs like we have theirs. We trust they have the integrity we do.

We trust that their hearts are as pure and giving as ours.

Aaaaaaaand then they don’t. And not only is it emotional and heartbreaking, but it makes you feel stupid. It makes you lose trust. It makes you want to distance yourself from people. It makes you question your intuition. It makes you feel like a fool once you reflect.

Maybe that’s the worst part, feeling like a fool.

Because at the end of the day, it’s because we allowed it. We allowed ourselves to believe in people. We allowed ourselves to trust people. We allowed ourselves to also be taken advantage of, to be manipulated, to be slandered and used. I will NEVER be a victim, and I KNOW I allow this.

I think the next hardest part is trying to find the balance between staying authentic and isolating out of protection.

And before you say it, yes, boundaries are heavily at play here. But let’s be real, that lesson is heavily learned the first few times around. We can completely transform our boundaries and yet not see that over-giving is sometimes still a boundaried issue.

I’ve cried many tears today, but not for all of the reasons I just said.

But because I (like many of you) don’t feel there’s a place for me and my authenticity in this world.

I don’t want to change my heart and giving nature, but this world keeps forcing me to for my own peace and wellbeing. That is the heartbreak so very present right now.

Am I too trusting? Maybe. Am I too sensitive? Maybe. Do I give people too much power to affect me? Perhaps.

But also… What is the point if not trusting? Of not feeling so deeply? Of not taking chances to let people in? Connection is not only a primary component of our existence here on Earth, but within the Universe as a whole.

So who’s wrong?

What a human concept, right? Right vs. wrong. It doesn’t exist. It’s not real. It’s a bullshit structure we apply to actions, feelings, beliefs to make sense of them in our little monkey brains. It’s easier to put them in one of two boxes than let them exist in the fluid spectrum of grey.

Everything is grey, and I know this, despite the strong desire to shut the door on all social interactions.

I spent this entire year questioning my place in the spiritual space. I don’t like titles, and I don’t see myself as a leader, a teacher, a healer, or any of the titles many assign themselves to. Maybe some comes from insecurity. But I know a lot of it comes from the fact I cannot relate to the teachers, leaders, and healers in the spiritual space.

I will never feel in competition, despite the fact that this IS a business for me, and that’s how society will push us to believe. And here’s the thing… The spiritual people sometimes do it the most, preaching love and unity, all while working from a place that majorly lacks integrity, authenticity, and heart.

At least my plumber doesn’t claim to be an embodiment of love.

What’s hard is this… I can choose to not be in competition with others… But what happens when they decide they’re in competition with me? I am not the best channeler or healer, or the wisest teacher… But I can FEEL everything. I can FEEL the energy being sent my way. I can FEEL the external energy that I allow to fuel my insecurities. I can FEEL the moment someone’s energy towards me changes. And when they are someone you've allowed in, you've already opened the door, energetically... It's not as simple as navigating the world with blinders on to the strangers around you.

These people have seen my heart, heard my plans, and know my struggles.

This is what makes me question being in this space. Not just the fact that I refuse to subscribe to the traditional marketing strategies to actually make this business thrive. Not the fact that it’s hard to have a business that is also you, your soul, your energy, your face, and your heart. Not that it’s hard to be judged day in and day out. Not that the alternative, doing it for free, is extremely draining.

It’s that I don’t know where I fit in.

Another core wound that I think many of us also share. And I don’t know how to do this work that my soul screams at me to do without having a space to do it in. Which may not even make sense to you. I can’t retreat, isolate and disappear and also show up and be seen. They don’t go together.

So what does 2026 bring? I have no fucking clue. Maybe my work in this world evolves, expands, and aligns. Maybe it ends all together. I don’t know. But I will try my hardest to not like my wounds and shadows drive the ship.

Whatever is meant to be will be.

Love you all.

🤍Tricia